Dave's Dictionary
Wierd words, acronyms, phrases, and slang used in the computer world

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z | Numbers

"A" Top of Page

Definition

ASS

“Another Stupid Standard”.  An acronym that’s rather self-explanatory.  Often used by older staff I.T. employees when describing new procedures introduced by some former middle-manager who’s trying their hand at being a consultant, and giving good advice to people who need it less than THEY do.  The acronym is also often used to describe the actual consultant.

(Submitted by James Smithers.  Embellished by Dave).

 

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Definition

Ballet

(noun). An art form for people with eating disorders.

Blog

A short form for "weblog". Blogs are increasingly popular, web-based personal logs that any idiot can post their increasingly dumb opinions to. Some blogs (especially the technical or news-based ones, AND Dave’s!) can sometimes contain pearls of wisdom that readers may find useful. However, for the most part, blogs are simply public soap-boxes for teenagers who have nothing better to do than spout off about how they believe the rest of us are screwing up "their" world.
See also: Weblog

Blurst-case scenario

"Simpsonese" for "worst-case scenario".
Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article.

Bug

A program or application error or problem that was created by a programmer. The term was first used in the 1940's, when computers were the size of small office buildings, and consisted primarily of vacuum tubes. One day, some computer geeks were wondering why the computer was spewing out the wrong answers. After investigation (which included crawling through cables, and twisting light bulbs), it was discovered that a large moth had flown into the guts of the machine, and blown some vacuum tubes.

The "bug" was responsible for creating the computer error.

 

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Definition

Cack

(verb). To crap out, stop working, or cease to exist.
EXAMPLE: "The program cacked when I shut off the computer's power while it was still running."

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

(noun). God's way of telling you that you’ve spent W-A-Y too much time writing code.
(Adapted from a submission by Charles Morton. Original source unknown.)

ChUI

"Character User Interface". Pronounced "chewy". Refers to any computer user interface that requires the user to type in words and symbols, rather than clicking on pictures. The "DOS", "Unix", "Linux", and "VAX/VMS" operating systems use ChUI interfaces (although graphical shells can be used ON TOP of the O/S). Most older programming languages, and many scripting languages also use ChUI interfaces. ChUI interfaces generally assume that the user knows what they're doing.

CLM

"Career Limiting Move". Usually refers to something you did or said that did NOT impress your boss, and will probably limit your future career prospects within the company. Calling your boss an 'idiot' during a department meeting is definitely a CLM. Sucking up is NOT.

Cool Beans

Variation of "All RIGHT!", or "Cool!", or "OK!". Believed to have originated in Sudbury, Ontario. Resurrected as a colloquial term by a programmer from Maine, USA, who did contract work in Toronto, Ontario during the 80's and early 90's.

CrackBerry

Slang/nickname for "BlackBerry", those instant-messaging, pocket organizers that also handle e-mail. The nickname derives from their highly addictive ability to quickly become indispensable and useless at the same time.

Craptacular

(adj.) The opposite of "spectacular"; a total, absolute, abject failure. Usually used in a sarcastic manner. The word was originally developed by Homer Simpson, the king of failure and mis-pronunciation.
EXAMPLE: "That project design spec is absolutely craptacular, George. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"
(Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article).

Cromulent

Acceptable, or legitimate. The word was originally developed by Homer Simpson.
(Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article).

CTS

See “Carpal Tunnel Syndrome”.

CYA

"Cover Your Ass". This acronym is generally used in one of 2 contexts...

  • when your idiot boss has done something ridiculously stupid and naive, and you've quickly gotta make sure YOU'RE not blamed ('cuz s**t rolls downhill)
  • when your boss has done something ridiculously stupid and naive, and s/he’s trying to ensure that someone ELSE gets blamed.

Either way, it's a no-win situation.

 

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Definition

Darl McBride

The head honcho at SCO ("Santa Cruz Organization"). SCO makes a flavour of the Unix operating system. A few years ago, SCO suddenly decided to sue IBM (and others) for 4 billion bucks, claiming that SCO owned some copyrights on parts of the Linux (open source) operating system. SCO never did actually PROVE anything, but they continued to sue various corporations, charge extravegant user fees, and spread enough FUD to make Charles Manson look like a candidate for the Papacy.  Eventually, sanity prevailed, and a U.S. judge told Darl his case was worth less than a bucketful of ca-ca.

Droolworthy

adj.Something that's held in extremely high regard, and/or viewed with utter fascination, usually by a computer geek or nerd. Computer gamers consider the latest & greatest video graphics cards "worthy of being drooled over"; coders often consider an extremely complicated piece of software to be droolworthy.

Of course, THOSE particular groups of people really do need to get a life.

See also: Groin-grabbingly

Dweeb

A less intense version of a "Geek".

 

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Definition

Embiggen

verb. To make larger. The term is "Simpsonese" (ie. developed by a character in "The Simpsons" TV show).
Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article.

Error Code 18

A fictitious computer error code, often used by Help Desk staff and/or programmers, when referring to stupid computer users.  The “18” refers to “The Lump that’s 18 inches away from the monitor”.

 

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Definition

FOOBAR

See "FUBAR".

FUBAR

"F****d Up Beyond All Recognition". Originally coined by American army troops in World War 2, to describe idiotic, desperate, dangerous, and/or criminally insane decisions made by a higher-ranking officer. Commonly used by programmers to describe specifications, project deadlines, and/or timelines developed by higher-ranking managers/bosses. A polite version ("foobar") is often used in program/OS documentation, to describe file names; the various Unix "man" (on-line manual/help) pages are FULL of references to files named "foobar".
See also: MFU(n), SNAFU

FUD

"Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt". Acronym commonly used in the I.T. world to describe fearmongers, software sales people, and Darl McBride.

FWIW

"For What It's Worth.". Acronym commonly used in the I.T. world when people are responding to pleas for help.

 

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Definition

Gagh

(noun, pronounced "gaw'-ck"). A common Klingon food, similar in appearance and texture to Terran earthworms. Always served fresh (ie. alive). Best served chilled.

"Gagh" is also used as an expletive by software developers, especially when there's managers hanging around.
EXAMPLE: "This old Pentium-266 is a piece of gagh."

Geek

Prior to computers... a person who bites the heads off live chickens.

1982 - 1995... a 20-something person with a pasty complexion, no social skills whatsoever, extreme zits, and a pile of money that was earned by hacking corporate computer networks from his/her bedroom in the basement of his/her parent's house.

1995 - Now... a 30-something person with a pasty complexion, no social skills whatsoever, and extreme pockmarks, who made all their money 10 years ago (by hacking), and is now your boss, and/or the owner of the company you work for.

Vive la difference.

Googacle

The debacle that's created when you decide to sue Google. Particularly if you're Oracle.

Groin-Grabbingly

(adv). Expressing the intensity of, increased desire for, or the extraordinary state of an opinion, object, emotion, or fact. Initially used by Homer Simpson.
EXAMPLE: "That elegant little piece of code is so groin-grabbingly good! I wish I'd written it."
Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article.
See also: Droolworthy

GUI

"Graphical User Interface". Pronounced "gooey". Refers to any computer user interface that requires the user to click on pictures ("icons") to accomplish tasks, rather than typing in commands ("ChUI's"). "Windows", "X", and "KDE" are typical examples of operating system GUI's. Most newer programming languages use GUI interfaces (ie. Visual Basic, Visual C). GUI interfaces generally assume that the user is an idiot, and can only relate to pictures, rather than the written word.

 

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Definition

Hack

(verb). To force your way into a computer system, or into a specific piece of computer code, for the purpose of either disabling the system/code, or subverting the function of the system/code. Hacking is usually performed by computer programmers with bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking motives; however, some irresponsible non-technical employees have also been known to inadvertently hack their way into a restricted system, and create havoc.

Hacker

(noun). A person who intentionally forces their way into a computer system, or into a specific piece of computer code, for the purpose of either disabling the system/code, or subverting the function of the system/code. Hackers are usually considered to be bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking low-lifes.

Homer'd

(passive verb, past tense). To have received the dubious honour of being called “Homer”, for doing something dumb.
EXAMPLE: "Dave was Homer'd yesterday for releasing code with debug messages in it."

HTH

"Hope That Helps". An e-mail and IM acronym, commonly used by nice people with limited time, while offering good advice to people who need it less than THEY do.

 

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Definition

Icon

Small pictures on a computer screen that represent a task, piece of information, or file type within that computer. Generally, the user clicks on the picture with a pointing device (ie. mouse, touch screen, etc) to begin the task or view the information.

Also refers to rock-and-roll stars.

IM

See "Instant Messaging".

IMHO

"In My Humble Opinion". E-mail and IM acronym, usually inserted at the end of a message, in which the author went about giving good advice to people who needed it less than S/HE did. People who use "IMHO" are usually quite obsequious.

Instant Messaging

Also known as "IM". Yet another way to waste valuable time, by using text screens to send billions of dumb, short, acronym-filled messages to people, usually on a "CrackBerry", or via "MSN".

IS

"Information Systems". The 20th century term for "IT".

IT

"Information Technology". The 21st century term for "IS".

 

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Definition

JM2CW

"Just My 2 Cents Worth". An e-mail and IM acronym, used at the end of a message that was written in response to a public cry for help, usually in regards to someone screwing up their PC. Those of us who KNOW the answer to the plaintiff's problem usually don't respond right away; we wait for the yahoos to send in their wacky ideas and responses, and once the plaintiff is TOTALLY confused, us smart people reply with the CORRECT answer, and usually append "JM2CW" to the end of the message.

Of course, that's JM2CW...

 

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Definition

KDE

A graphical user interface (GUI) freely available for the Linux operating system.

KISS

"Keep It Simple, Stupid". One of the first rules of Marketing. Also applies to over-zealous I.T. contractors and project managers who've obviously never heard of the term "Scope Creep".

 

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Definition

Linux

An open-source, freely-distributed operating system, loosely based on the Unix architecture. Originally developed by Linus Torvalds in the late 1980's (released in the early 90's), as a free alternative for the "x86" processor architecture. Linux is now a head-on competitor for Windoze servers, Unix, and other larger-scale O/S's, and STILL remains free of charge. The more popular distributions (variations) include...

  • Red Hat
  • Suse (owned/distributed by Novell)
  • Debian
  • Mandrake
  • Ubuntu

LMAO

"Laughing My Ass Off". An over-used acronym for e-mail and IM. Other over-used variations include "LMAOROTF" ("laughing my ass off and rolling on the floor"), "ROTFLMAO" ("rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off").

Sheesh.

Login/Log In

This word is CONSTANTLY misused. It can be used as a noun ("a person, place, or thing"; 1 word), or as a verb ("action") phrase, when it becomes 2 separate words.
EXAMPLE: (noun) "The login program won't accept my password."
EXAMPLE: (verb) "My computer crashes every time I log in to it."

LOL

"Laughing Out Loud". An over-used acronym for e-mail and IM.

 

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Definition

MFU(n)

"Management F*** Up number n", where 'n' is any number. Often used as a tab note in project timelines developed by programmers and/or engineers, prior to being submitted to management for approval.
(Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a Dilbert cartoon).
See also: FUBAR, SNAFU

Mijor

A combination of the words "major" and "minor". Used by underlings when describing the causes/effects of a change, discovery, or procedure to their dim-witted stuperior. A "mijor" change is more significant than a minor change, but less significant than a "major" change.
(Submitted by Herb Demorest).
See also: STUPERIOR

MSN

"Microsoft Network". A reference to "www.msn.com" or "www.msn.ca", which are Microsoft-created and sponsored web sites, for Microsoft-controlled e-mail and IM services. MSN is a wonderful way to (a) let Bill Gates control your on-line activities, and (b) waste time, by sending useless IM and e-mail messages to people who really don't want to hear from you ANYWAY.

 

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Definition

NDA

"Non-Disclosure Agreement". This is a legally binding contract explicitely stating that, when one company shares its business secrets with another, neither company will share that business knowledge with any other third party.

Like THAT never happens. Right??

 

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Definition

Optics

How something looks or appears. Marketers, politicians, and IT contractors (especially project managers) seem to be constantly concerned about the "optics" of their current project, or how successful they appear to other contractors/managers. TV personalities often suffer from the same condition.

Oweables

Accounting term used by small business owners who try to do their own bookkeeping and have no idea what they're doing (it REALLY makes things interesting at tax time). Also, the money owed by customers to the business, and money owed by the business to others. Usually just listed on a single sheet of paper in a single column.
(Submitted by Herb Demorest).

 

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Definition

PC

"Personal Computer". A piece of machinery that was supposed to make our lives better, more productive, and less strenuous, while fulfilling the promises of "Increased Leisure Time" and "The Paperless Office".

PC's have ended up doing exactly the opposite.

PEBCAK

An acronym for “Problem Exists Between the Chair and Keyboard”.  Commonly used by Help Desk staff and/or programmers when describing stupid computer users to each other.

See also: Error Code 18

Pooched

Slang for "screwed", "dead in the water", or "no longer working".
EXAMPLE: "I reformatted my 'C:' drive, and now my PC is pooched.".

Pre-Know

Slang for "Be aware of this", or "Know this in advance".
Usually used at the beginning of a sentence, and usually in the context of warning someone of dire consequences.
EXAMPLE: "Pre-know that if you keep falling asleep on the job, you run the risk of promotion".
(Submitted by Herb Demorest).

Prodigy

(noun). A wunderkind hacker who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
(Adapted from a submission by Charles Morton. Original source unknown.)

Pull a Homer

Do something dumb enough to have been “Homer’d”.
EXAMPLE: "Dave pulled a Homer yesterday when he released code with debug messages in it."

 

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Definition

QA

"Quality Assurance". A nice-sounding title for the people who test the software that coders write.

 

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Definition

Re-purpose

(verb). To take an existing obsolete process, function, or object, and find a new use for it. This usually means doing the minimum amount of work, to get more mileage out of something old and worn out. Marketing people, consultants, and senior executives do this all the time... They offer the same old product, with a brand new label, and a brand new price.
EXAMPLE: "Let's re-purpose our old, bug-filled software application by web-enabling it! They'll eat it up!"

Rememberize

(verb). The process your head uses to store and recall events, facts, and sensory inputs. Conjunction of "remember" and "memorize".
EXAMPLE: "They say the best way to rememberize something is to do it over and over."
See also: Remembery

Remembery

(noun). The thing inside your head that stores and recalls events, facts, and sensory inputs. Conjunction of "remember" and "memory", originally created by Dave Turberfield in August 2011.
EXAMPLE: "My remembery ain't what it used to be."
See also: Rememberize

RTFM

"Read The F***ing Manual". An acronym most often used by overworked help desk people and programmers, when asked dumb questions that have already been answered in the program documentation.

 

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Definition

SCO

"Santa Cruz Organization". A company that once bought the rights to the original AT&T Unix O/S kernel, and developed its own proprietary version of Unix. The company's president (Darl McBride) tried to sue most of the free world, claiming that portions of its kernel were used in the development of recent versions of the open-source "Linux" O/S.

Good frickin' luck, there, Bud.

Scope Creep

Indicates that too many new features, bells & whistles, and/or processes are being added to an existing project or application. Scope Creep is the #2 reason why most I.T. projects fail (the #1 reason is rigid requirements that were written early in the project, and now have absolutely NOTHING to do with reality, but can't be changed, because the project manager doesn't want to look bad).

Scope Creep scares the living daylights out of most programmers.

Setup/Set Up

These two words are CONSTANTLY misused. One is a noun ("a person, place, or thing"), and is a single word with NO spaces; the other is a verb ("action") phrase, and is always 2 words (with a space in between).
EXAMPLE: (noun) "The setup program has completed."
EXAMPLE: (verb) "I am now going to set up the computer hardware."

SNAFU

"Situation Normal: All F****d Up". Similar to "FUBAR", this phrase was originally coined by American army troops in World War 2, to describe ongoing, "normal" situations that reeked of idiotic, desperate, dangerous, and/or criminally insane decisions made by higher-ranking officers. Commonly used by programmers to describe over-extended projects, and/or bad decision-making abilities on the part of upper management.
See also: MFU(n), FUBAR

Snail-Mail

Nickname/slang for paper-based mail systems (ie. Canada Post). Refers to their speed, when compared to e-mail (ie. "slow as a snail").

Solaris

A proprietary version of the Unix operating system, originally developed by Sun Systems, for its "SPARC" processor platform.

Spam

A brand of canned luncheon meat. Best served stir-fried, with green onions, garlic, Shitaki mushrooms, and teriyaki sauce. This term is sometimes confused with "Unsolicited E-mail". I don't know why.

Stuperior

(noun). The combination of the words "Stupid" and "Superior". 'Nuff said.

 

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Definition

Tablet

A common form of medicine delivery, sometimes described as a “pill”.

 

Also refers to a variety of stripped-down portable computers that have no keyboard, small screens, limited capabilities, no expandability, and slow processors.  One company in particular (related to the fruit eaten by Adam and Eve) has been incredibly successful in creating tablets that do less than laptops, but cost more, and are single-handedly responsible for a 53% increase in fingertip calluses.

TIA

"Thanks In Advance". A common e-mail and IM acronym, usually used at the end of a message written by some dumb user who screwed up, and is now crying for help.

Typoglycemia

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in; the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia.

 

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Definition

Unix

A multi-tasking, multi-threaded operating system originally developed by AT&T Bell Laboratories in the early-to-mid 1960's. Unix is one of the world's most powerful and flexible operating systems (it blows away Mickey Mouse O/S's like Windoze or DOS). It runs on most hardware platforms (x86, Sparc, RISC, etc), and has many known "flavours" (versions), including...

  • System V (descendent of AT&T's original version)
  • Solaris (developed by Sun Systems)
  • SCO ("Santa Cruz Organization")
  • HP/UX (developed by Hewlett Packard)
  • AIX (developed by IBM, for their RISC-processor-based systems)
  • Xenix (originally developed by Microsoft for the x86 platform)
  • BSD (developed by the University of California at Berkeley)
  • "X10" (Apple's latest MacOS version, built on a Unix kernel)
  • Linux (open source, originally developed by Linus Torvalds)

Unpossible

"Simpsonese" for "impossible".
Submitted by Herb Demorest.

UPS

"Uninterruptible Power Supply". A power gizmo that you plug all your power cords into. It's a metal box that contains a boatload of batteries, and is connected to the building's main power. If the building's power goes out, the gizmo switches from A/C power over to the batteries, ensuring that the supply of power is uninterrupted, giving you enough time to shut everything down "nicely".

Of course, if the batteries drain before the power comes back on, you're pooched.

 

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Definition

V

(no entries)

 

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Definition

Weblog

Web-based personal log. A personal diary posted to the internet, so that that multiple people can follow the mundane details of your inconsequential life.
See also: Blog

Wifeal

(singular, pr. "Wife-ul"). Similar to "Spousal", as in "Spousal Support".
EXAMPLE: "My ex came after me for my outstanding wifeal support."
(Submitted by Herb Demorest).

Wifesal

(plural, pr. "Wife's ul"). Plural version of "Wifeal". Support for more than one ex-wife. People in this position could REALLY use a good financial planner, and an especially good lawyer. Of course he can't AFFORD the lawyer, and really doesn't have that much money ANYWAY.
(Submitted by Herb Demorest).

Windoze

Nickname for any flavour of the "Windows" graphical user shell or O/S, developed by Microsoft.

Alternate definition - author unknown
A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.
(Submitted by Enrico Cianni).

 

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Definition

X

The "X-Windows" graphical user shell. "X" is a graphical user interface (GUI) developed for the Unix operating system in early 1980's.

X10

Apple Computer's "X" operating system, released in the early 2000's, for their proprietary computer hardware. X10 is based on a Unix kernel.

 

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Definition

Yoink

An expression or sound used when stealing or grabbing something from someone. May also be used as a verb. The word was originally developed by Homer Simpson.
EXAMPLE: "I yoinked that bit of code, 'cuz I wasn't smart enough to write it myself."
(Submitted by Herb Demorest, from a newspaper article).

Yummed

Getting screwed, usually by overpaying for something.
EXAMPLE: "He got yummed when he paid $500 for that gasoline-powered turtle-neck sweater."
(Submitted by Herb Demorest)

 

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Definition

Zune

Microsoft’s lame attempt at mass-marketing an MP3 player.  It lasted a couple of years, and was supposed to be a direct competitor to Apple’s “IPod” music player.  MS even tried to build “excitement” around their music download web site (in support of the Zune); an abysmally massive failure.  Mercifully, the whole experiment died the death of a thousand laughs, and recent reports indicate that the last 2 surviving “Zune” players are now safely stored in a concrete-sealed, lead-lined vault underneath the Smithsonian Institute.

 

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Definition

0

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